It can be hard being in any kind of relationship and if you like someone and you start to doubt who they might be, this can make the relationship feel off. You might even wonder if he is starting to use you. This can be the start of a toxic relationship that you need to pay attention to.
Why is he using you? This might be something that you want an answer to but unless someone tells you that they’re using you it might be something that you never get the real answer to. You have to just learn to look for signs such as:
- He only wants sex. Sometimes guys will not commit in a relationship, but they keep wanting sex.
- He wants you to spend money on him or he wants you to support him financially.
- He needs someone to make him feel good about himself.
- He wants to make other girls jealous.
There can be many reasons that he wants to use you and that the relationship isn’t going to be as helpful and beneficial as you want it to be. This isn’t a relationship that you deserve and if you’re looking for signs, here are some that you need to pay attention to.
- He Messages for Sex
If he is constantly messaging, you only at night when he gets horny then chances are that he is using you for sex. Set boundaries and don’t let this keep happening unless you want this kind of relationship too. If he says he’s busy during the day, then these are just excuses, and he is using you for sex.
- He is Emotionally Closed
Instead of opening up to you he seems to be emotionally closed. You don’t know much about him because he doesn’t open up to you. If you ask him where he grew up or about his family and he doesn’t give you but one-word answers, then he might be hiding something or he might be avoiding the closeness of your relationship.
- He Only Asks Silly Questions
He never seems to care about where you are or what you’ve been doing. Instead of asking about how your day has been he asks about things that aren’t personal. He never seems to want to know about your family or your friends. He might not show any interest in the relationship.
- He Doesn’t Keep You Safe
A man that is in love with someone will use their instincts to make sure that you’re safe and that you’re taken care of. If you go somewhere dangerous, he should go with you and if he knows someone is saying terrible things about you then he will protect you.
If he isn’t protecting, you or opening up to you then this might be someone that is using you. Men need to feel like heroes and so if he isn’t protecting you then you need to let him be a hero to you and make him feel like you need him. Doing this can make your relationship stronger.
- No Dates
Maybe he will meet you at the bar or he will come to your house to watch television. Instead of taking you on real dates you never do anything that shows you off as a couple.
- He Won’t Be with Just One
Instead of being exclusive he talks to other girls. He doesn’t introduce you as his girlfriend and he doesn’t want to commit to you. If you want to know if he’s using, you he might say things like this:
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- I want to go slow in this relationship.
- I’m not ready to date anyone.
- I want to know you more.
He is probably avoiding being in a real relationship with you.
- He Depends on Your Money
Some guys work hard and provide for themselves but when a guy is dependent on you and you’re the one paying for everything then he isn’t being a partner to you, but he is using you for your funds. Chances are if you quit giving them to him then he will leave.
- Meeting His People
He never asks you to go out and meet his friends and he never introduces you to his family. He might make excuses when you ask to meet them, and this is a big sign that he doesn’t want to be in a real relationship with you.
- About Himself
Instead of helping you when you need something he seems to be only about himself. He doesn’t go out of his way when you need something, and he only seems to come around when he has nothing better to do. Even if he helps you and you have to ask for it, this isn’t someone that is invested in you emotionally.
- Ghosting You
Some guys will respond whenever it’s convenient for them and they will only respond to your texts when they want. Or you might be with someone that doesn’t talk to you for a long period of time but then comes back. Don’t listen to his excuses when he stops talking to you and comes back weeks later.
There could be reasons that he leaves and then comes back such as:
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- He is talking to other girls.
- He is dating other girls.
- He doesn’t want to get serious with you.
- He would rather spend time with someone else.
- He Doesn’t Talk About the Future
A guy that likes you will talk about the future with you. You will plan holidays together and you will plan future dates. This will be something that comes up here and there. He might avoid the conversations with you because he doesn’t want to make a commitment to you, and he will instead tell you he doesn’t know what he’s doing yet.
- It’s All About Sex
When you are in bed together, does he please himself only or does he make it about you? If he is only about himself and he isn’t making an effort to please you then he is probably using, you for sex.
- He Only Wants Sex
If you ask him out and he doesn’t want to go out with you unless sex is involved, then this is a big problem and a red flag. He is probably making plans with other girls at the same time, and he is just using you to get the pleasure he needs when he wants it.
- He Makes You Feel Unimportant
You might be with someone that isn’t kind and considerate towards you. He doesn’t take time to make you feel good about yourself and when you’re alone you feel about the same way that you feel when you’re with him. Instead of caring about your needs and your feelings, he’s only about himself.
- Bad Rap
He is someone that is a bad guy and he has a bad rap. His reputation isn’t great and even though you knew this before you ever got with him, you still made the step. Bad boys don’t change, and they continue to be bad boys. Find out more about him before you get your heart broken.
- Hides His Phone
A guy who is wanting to commit to you will keep his phone open to you at any time. He will be someone that doesn’t care to leave his phone facing up and one that doesn’t hide his phone when he goes to the bathroom.
If he is using you, then he will be doing other sneaky things behind your back and most likely the proof is on the phone. Someone that likes you will never leave you out and if he is hiding his phone, he probably has other girls he is talking to.
- He Shows Up
Having someone come to your house without telling you can be a great thing but if he is coming to your house just to hang out or just to sleep then he might be using you. Maybe he doesn’t have a nice place or maybe he can’t afford his rent and he is just there to use you for your home.
If you would like him to be there then that’s good but if you feel like he is taking advantage of you then you need to set boundaries.
- He Has Another Lady
One of the biggest signs that he might be using you is that he has other women that he is attracted to and that he is seeing. There are many things that could be happening, and you might not even be aware of it such as:
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- He has a girlfriend but she won’t have sex with him and so he is having sex with you.
- He has many women at once because he won’t commit to one.
- He uses other women too.
- He uses you to get a woman to be jealous that he does like.
- You’re Always Paying
You shouldn’t have to be the one that’s always paying when you go out together. He should offer to pay for you and if he isn’t then this is something you should notice. If he insist on you paying for everything this should be a sign that he isn’t into you and that he doesn’t care about you.
- Your Intuition Tells You
You might just have a feeling that you’re being used and if you have this feeling then it might be time to get out of the relationship and move on with your life. Stop wasting time on someone that doesn’t care about you and let him go so that you can find someone that does love you and treats you right.
Hold out until you get the guy that is meant to be with you, and you will see that he will care and respect you and you won’t always be questioning the situation.
Final Thoughts
When you read this article and it makes you cringe inside because you see all of these signs, it might be time to move on without him. You have some choices:
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- Keep living the life you’re living with him.
- Leave him.
If you want to be with him and you care a lot about him, you can stay with him, but you might have to put up with him using you for the remainder of the relationship. Otherwise, it might be time for you to move forward and to leave him before he can mistreat you anymore.